The breakup itself is not as painful as the period after. Instead of healing a broken heart and gathering the strength to move on, you become desperate and do anything to regain a relationship that obviously didn’t work.
Wrong. Apart from the fact that you will probably lose time and dignity, this phase will likely affect the rest of your life. You will become deconcentrated, less motivated, less social, and all that will have has additional consequences. Do you really want your life to fall apart because of one failed relationship?
To speed up the recovery process, you need to do one simple thing – not contact your ex. Even if you ended your relationship in peace, try to control yourself and avoid embarrassing situations due to sudden calls, Facebook messages, or announced visits. You don’t need that. If you want to give your love another chance, the ‘no contact’ rule (navigate here to learn more about it) can help you with that.
What’s the Catch about ‘No Contact?’
You either know each other very well, or you were just so inseparable with your ex that you think it’s impossible to break every connection. But is this true? Can people actually go on with their lives without being in touch with their former lovers? Although this is easier said than done, it is possible to remain dignified in your intention to renew the relationship.
‘No contact’ is a phrase that describes a period when you don’t hear a thing from your ex-partner. You don’t speak to them or see them. You don’t ask others about them. No stalking and no going to places where you might run onto each other.
This rule is applicable when you want to avoid fights about your freshly-ended relationship. It saves you the trouble of arguing about who’s guilty of a breakup and begging to reconcile. Neither of these arguments works in your favor. You should just leave everything to set down for a while.
How No Contact Works
Not every breakup is the wrong decision, and it doesn’t happen because you or your partner is bad. But when it happened, it means that something was wrong and that you have to identify what. The one who initiated the breakup most likely wanted freedom or relief. So you need to give it to them. They don’t want to hear anything from you? Don’t force it.
It takes time and space to heal both partners from negative feelings. If you are dumped, you must continue in a new way and give yourself a chance to recover your self-esteem. At the same time, the dumper (the one who initiates the breakup) gets what they want – space to replenish their emotional needs.
Why Distance Is Good
After the breakup, you know that you have to move on, even though your goal is reconciliation. So you may feel confused about moving on. How do you go out with others if you want to bring your ex back? Why would you cut off contact with someone you love and care about?
First of all, because praying, crying, and an obsessive desire for connection puts you in a position where your ex-partner sees you as a desperate person. If you behaved this way while you were together, such behavior would only further reduce your chances of reconciliation.
Below is the list of stages you have to experience after the breakup:
Think of a time without contact as a healing period and learning how to live without a partner. Try to really get your life back to the way it was before that relationship, even if it’s a bit of a force. Call friends who you have neglected, enroll in a course, do some sports. Diversion of thoughts will help you speed up the healing period and design your life without a partner. Only when you return to yourself is there a chance to get your ex back.
Why You Partner Need Freedom
The reasons for the breakup are numerous. For example, your relationship came to the saturation period. The solution? Let the other side crave you. Maybe your partner felt you’re bothering them? Simply give them time and space to understand your reasons. At the same time, work on gaining an awareness of private space and time in relationships.
Your ex will probably enjoy their newfound freedom for a while. If you stopped that, it would be equal to torture. But the ‘no contact’ rule works because it makes dumpers feel better and get what they want, even if you disagree with that.
Can You Stand It?
It can be challenging for you to move on, but you have to. No one says you can’t reconsider reconciliation after a while. But your ex-partner must show as much interest as you do. Psychologists agree that a period of a month without contact is enough to calm passions and gather thoughts. But there are no rules as it all depends on the character of the individual.
Without temporary distance from your ex, you leave a space where you still keep the bond to them. Although it might seem like torment to you, there are some good sides to the ‘no contact’ rule. The distance can be a good thing. Keeping forceful contact that hurts you is not.
If the other party initiated the breakup, anything but complete distancing is the wrong approach if you want to reconcile. You have to show them somehow that they didn’t make the best decision. And how to do that? By showing them you’re okay. And by staying strong, independent, and full of confidence.
You need to work on fixing your life. If you are determined to move on, you will probably be surprised by a call or message from the one who left you (even though you secretly expected it). In most cases, the reason is a hidden desire for reconciliation. Now, it’s up to you. If the distance had an effect, you’ve probably thought carefully about whether reconciliation is a mistake or the right thing to do.